"no one ever got tired of loving. they got tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry and hurting" . tired of being on the back burner, while dating someone else; tired of being laughed at; tired of being gaslighted.
You didnt love her. You just didnt want o be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just food for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didnt love her. Because you dont destroy people you love.
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." Stop thinking about the "what if". Reflect on "what is" and create the "what's next". Be in charge of your life. Start your next chapter. Be the author of your own story.